Return to Innocence
by I-Plead-Obsession
Summary: Pain, death, and betrayal are the only things Sesshoumaru has ever known, but what happens when he is forced to wander the earth in complete madness? Will he be able to survive long enough to regain what was lost? Or is Sesshoumaru..to lost to be saved..?
1. Prologue

**RATING: _R!! DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNDER 18, THIS STORY CONTAINS GRAPHIC VIOLENCE, POSSIBLE RAPE, AND OTHER GRUESOME SCENES AND MATURE CONTENT. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED._ (I CANNOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE!!!)**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the Inuyasha characters. Though I did come up with the plot/ storyline and any original characters, please ask to use!!

**Summary: **Pain, death, and betrayal are the only things Sesshoumaru has ever known, but what happens when he is forced out of his niche by his very self. When he is forced to wander the earth in complete madness, will he be able to survive long enough to regain what was lost. Or is Sesshoumaru to lost to be saved?

**Pairing: **Sesshoumaru x Kagome x Iinuyasha.

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_**Return to Innocence **_

**Prologue:**

**What is Reality? If It Is Only A Never Ending Nightmare…..**

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It was a clear night sky with the stars twinkling every gently and the full moon was shining gently overhead, illuminating the sleeping world beneath. White waves crashed against the white sandy beach, leaving behind watery trails only to crash over it again. It was a soothing monotonous melody, never changing, always and forever flowing.

One set of footprints marked the sand left behind by a lone demon lord with a snow white kimono with scattered crimson flowers, like blood. His footprints never lasted long though they were destined to be washed away by the crashing waves. Sesshoumaru's pale features and silver hair glittered in the moonlight, giving him an unnatural glow, allowing onlookers to believe he was an angel, or if they could only see his molten honey eyes, a lonely ghost.

As the full moon rose above the restless sea, Sesshoumaru gazed longingly out into the distance of the sea. Long ago he had bid a cruel farewell to his father, long ago he had said farewell to what little happiness he may have had left. 'It was on this very beach that all this took place' he thought as his honey gold eyes gazed off into the distance, his mind slipping into a fading memory.

Gentle snow covered the ground and was gently falling from the sky. The waves crashed against the beach, over and over. An icy wind blew across the beach, where two ominous figures loomed. Their long silver hair blew in the wind, as the full moon lit up the sky. Both adorned in traditional steel armor and snow white robes, white fur trailed behind. Crimson droplets slid down the arm of the elder, leaving a murky puddle, staining the sparkling snow.

"Are you going father?" Sesshoumaru asked his father coldly, his gold eyes glaring at his father's back, despising him.

"Are you going to stop me Sesshoumaru?" Inutaishou mocked his son, knowing his decision would forever seal his son's hate for him.

"I'm not going to stop you. However, before you do I would like the fangs Sou'unga and Tessaiga, to be handed over to me" Sesshoumaru demanded.

His father stared wistfully at the moon, knowing his time was limited. "If I say I won't give them to you," he paused for moment but soon continued, seriousness lacing his voice "would you kill your own father?" Inutaishou knew that he would, Sesshoumaru was a killer, just like he had taught him to be. 'If only my obligations didn't keep me from him so long ago' his thoughts began to wander but he quickly, and somewhat harshly, drew them back to the present. The crashing waves filled the silence "Do you despise power that much?" he asked his son, "Why do you seek power?" For a moment silence filled the gap, but eventually his son answered with his usual heartless response.

"I must travel the path of conquest… Power is necessary in order to walk that path" His voice was cold and heartless, just like the killer he was. But inside, he was torn over the years of neglect finally coming to surface.

Inutaishou bowed his head in though, dropping his gaze from the moon " " 'conquest', huh?" again he moved his gaze back to the moon, time drawing short. "Sesshoumaru… is there something that you want to protect?" he asked this of his son before, but the answer never seemed to change.

Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed in thought to the question 'something to protect?' His gold eyes full of longing and hatred, and bubbling jealousy. His response was typical that of a killer "This Sesshoumaru has no need… to pursue such an endeavor" he raised his arm, pointing a long elegant finger into the distance.

'Just as I thought' thought his father, and with that his hair released from its binding as it swirled in a demonic wind, Sesshoumaru looked up in awe at the presence of his transformed father, Inutaishou had transformed into a gigantic dog, his 'rawr' chilling everyone who heard to the bone. Quickly he took off into flight, to save his beloved again Inutaishou thought 'do you have something to protect?'

Sesshoumaru remained on the beach, the wind blowing just as hard, and the waves enveloped the silence. Gracefully he turned away from the direction his father took off in, "that is ridiculous" he said to no one in particular as he walked down the beach, the waves washing his and his father's delicate foot prints away. He will let his father be, he will let his father do as he wishes. Sesshoumaru knew his father would die that night. That damn wench was his only weakness. 'No' he thought 'love is.' On many occasion he overheard the other lords gossiping on the approaching death of his beloved father, all do to this emotion called love. He knew what love was, it was a silent killer. True, strong demons did not need love. They were cold and emotionless hence, his current demeanor.

Unbeknownst to him though, his heart had frozen over long before his father fell in love the second time, long before the downfall of the western court, and long before the death of his beloved and cherished mother.

The memory was still vivid in his mind, and not to long after the news of his father's death, the wench Izayoi bearing his horrifyingly grotesque half-brother pleaded sanctuary within his now inherited domain. Held by honor he grudgingly allowed them to live peacefully among the court. Sesshoumaru never gave up the chance to show them their place in the world. That part of his life was not something he was particularly proud of. And on the wench's death bed she made him swear to protect the half-breed. 'Damn honor' he thought to himself. Memories of raising Inuyasha flitted through his mind and he winced at the images. 'Although,' he thought 'it was nothing compared to what father had done to me… so many years ago' his mind drifted, trying to recall the years the amount of years since his father's death. Echoing waves and the whoosh of the sea breeze filled the deafening silence.

"Father..." he whispered, catching his mind drifting Sesshoumaru mentally scolded his lack of control 'cursed emotions.' Again he resumed his leisurely stroll along the white sandy beach.

Something was not right. Although he could not quite place it, Sesshoumaru felt it deep within himself. It was the quite hum of his unsettled demon. His chilling honey gold eyes narrowed slightly in thought, the only indicator of some resemblance of emotion on his hauntingly placid face. Step after step, wave after wave, a monotonous never ending pattern.

He eventually came upon a grassy hill, overlooking the sea. 'It can't be' he thought. But indeed it was, it was the same hill he had said farewell to his father, except it was not right. Also on the little hill was a billowing willow, its branches swishing with the cool salty breeze. Underneath its lush green branch's near its wide and well aged trunk was his mother's grave. Something was definitely not right. His father's, mother's, and the wench's graves were underneath the tree. Not only that a mirror nestled in the bark of the tree glittered in the fait moonlight. Curious Sesshoumaru defiantly walked towards the tree, refusing to succumb to this illusion.

Sesshoumaru admired the mirror, it being pure polished silver, and glittering from the faint light of the moon. It was extremely intricate and around the edges was an ancient weaving design that was forign to him. It was shaped like a star with five points, and on the very tips of the corners were five round gold balls incrusted with a variety of jewels. Each stone had a different color, the top was an ever changing moonstone, and the next one to the right going down was a deep rich forest green emerald, followed by a midnight blue sapphire, then a deep crimson ruby, with the last being a snow white diamond. The mirror itself was breathtaking and the glass had the image of water. Looking into the mirror, the image of himself seemed to swirl and change. Although before he knew it the image was changing 'what is this' he pondered. The image melted and swirled. Colors blended. A picture of his mother, the wench, and his father flitted past. And before he knew it the scenery around him was changing; swirling and melting, colors blending, mimicking the mirror. Long forgotten memories raced past to quick for him to remember completely what they were about. The scenery had quickly become a complete blur. Sesshoumaru stepped back from the mirror his golden eyes glared at the mirror "halt this at once" he shouted to mirror panic laced into his voice. But it didn't.

The mirror kept swirling and soon becoming dizzy Sesshoumaru fell to his knees. Trying to right himself again he looked up and nearly gasped, but at the last moment he held himself. There standing before him proud and strong was his father. In flesh and blood but with a faint glow around him "pitiful..." he whispered his voice deep and mesmerizing, although surprisingly cold. Sesshoumaru stood up to stare down his father, except he was in his five year old body. Looking up he saw his father disappearing into the darkness that had surrounded them when his father appeared.

Sesshoumaru stared coldly at his father, how real this all seemed as if it had happened before.

"Déjà vu is what you are thinking" a womanly presence spoke behind him mockingly. Sesshoumaru whipped around to look at this wretched woman who dared to speak to this Sesshoumaru. Only there was no one behind him, thinking it was all just his mind he looked back towards the mirror, wary of what lay inside it.

The image in the mirror stopped spinning and the scenery had returned to the normal crashing of the ocean. Quickly he decided to leave this wretched place, to many memories had arisen, many of which he had long since buried beneath the icy shell of his heart. Calmly and seemingly unaffected he walked back the way he came promising himself never to return, just like so many years ago.

"Poor Sesshoumaru" a woman cooed, as she sat on one of the higher branches of the large willow that encased the haunting mirror. Her image was blurred by the shadow from the tree, except her distant icy blue eyes stared off at the now distant Sesshoumaru. "You probably don't realize it, but this isn't the same beach you left… No matter, the outsiders will realize it soon enough…. That you Sesshoumaru will never be the same again" her shrill laughter echoed into the night, causing Sesshoumaru to turn and look behind him. Mentally rolling his eyes he continued onward, blatantly ignoring his screaming intuition that something was seriously wrong.


	2. How Do You Break A Shattered Heart?

**RATING**_**R!! DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNDER 18, THIS STORY CONTAINS GRAPHIC VIOLENCE, POSSIBLE RAPE, GRUESOME SCENES, BUT OVERALL MATURE CONTENT. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.**_** (I CANNOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE!!!)**

**Disclaimer:**I do not own any of the Inuyasha characters. All I own are my own ideas and original characters. Please ask to use them. Thank you.

**Summary:** You already know this…

**Pairings:** Sesshoumaru X Kagome X Inuyasha

**_WARNING THIS IS UNEDITED_!!! I KNOW THERE ARE ERRORS, BUT READ A/N BELOW IF YOU WANT TO FLAME ME BECAUSE OF IT... MAYBE THEN YOU'LL UNDERSTAND... . **

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_**Return to Innocence **_

**Chapter One:**

_**How Can My Heart Break….When It Was Never Whole…?**_

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Warm golden rays trickled through the thick green untouched forest canopy. Birds flew from tree to tree, their merry chirps creating a melodious song, fitting for the beauty of the day. A worn, somewhat hidden path marked the way for a young fair maiden. Her long raven black hair hung loose down her back, glittering in the light. Her green sailor uniform shirt, although somewhat tattered, clung to her slender muscular body. Her matching green skirt allowed for a full view of her long lean legs, which did not leave much for any males' imagination.

The girl was enjoying the lazy country stroll, grateful for the long awaited rest her tired group of friends had worked hard for. They were back in Kaede's humble village, although it was nice to visit with the people, she needed some time to herself. She had already visited her family through the old worn well; the magic flowing in it was still going strong making travel through time a breeze.

The girl lazily strolled down the path never ceasing to enjoy the fresh air of the past. It made her feel free. And only thing that was missing in her enjoyment was Inuyasha. She undoubtedly knew where he was, every time they returned Inuyasha always went straight toward the God Tree. Hey, she could not blame him. It was where she found him a year ago. She did not allow herself to slip into the memory, she was on a mission. She had planned to invite Inuyasha on a picnic, just the two of them.

Taking the last turn in the path a deep and rough voice shattered the stillness. A small smile spread across her pale pink lips 'I found you' she thought to herself. She could not help but hurry on excitedly, nearing the clearing a woman's voice, she stopped in her tracks, her warm chocolate brown eyes widened in fear as her breath hitched in her throat. Quickly she dashed behind a tree before she was caught. 'Please not her! Anybody but her! Anybody!' she screamed in her mind. Praying to every god she knew of that it was not Kikyou. The voices were a foreign language to her at that point. Her heart beat at a rapid pace; scared that it would burst out of her chest she gripped her shirt in a tight fist in the middle of her chest. After a few deep calming, quiet breaths, she gathered what remained of her courage and peered into the meadow of the God Tree.

Her chocolate brown eyes widened further in shock, the knuckles on her hand that gripped her heart had turned white. There before her was the dead priestess Kikyou holding Inuyasha with what appeared to be in a lovers embrace. 'How could you!!' she screamed to herself. The devastating words that passed between the two lost lovers not only broke her heart; it crushed, smashed, and destroyed whatever was left of the constantly abused organ.

"Oh Kikyou, I've missed you so much" Inuyasha cooed, his comforting arms wrapped around the dead woman holding her close as if she would run away at a moments notice.

"Really now Inuyasha, there is only one way to convince me of your love" the words slipped from her pouted lips like poison. She blinked her long eye dark thick eye lashes at him, her withdrawn sapphire eyes staring up at him longingly. Long ago had she given up trying to force him, she quickly found the fun in manipulating him

"Yes my love"

As Inuyasha bent down to kiss his lover she could not hold her tears back anymore, they began to drip down her pale cheeks, leaving wet silvery trails. She did not care if they saw her, she did not care. Not anymore. She stepped out from the tree. No point in hiding her feelings any longer. She would not play his game.

As she stepped out from behind a nearby tree, Inuyasha's soft white furry ears twitched at the noise and moved towards it. Looking up from his lover Inuyasha stared right into the hurt and broken eyes of his beloved friend with his sickeningly warm golden eyes. "Kagome… thank you" a small smile spread across his lips. No words could explain his gratefulness towards her. She had given him another chance at love, rather, taught him how to love through the months that they shared together. She taught him how be loyal, a friend and most of all, a lover. He could never repay that debt. Only Kagome would understand, only Kagome would forgive; only Kagome could heal his heart.

Kagome was going to be sick, the bile rose in her throat forcing her to cover her mouth and clench her stomach. Her eyes wide in shock twitched, how can he stand there, and thank her. Swinging her head up the words flew out of her mouth before she could stop them. "You bastard!" she screamed "How dare you lead me along like a dog! I've done everything for you. I've nearly died for you!" the tears came trickling down even harder leaving muddy droplets upon the ground. She did not even bother wiping them away off her cheeks.

"But Kagome….." he did not understand. "I thought you understood, my only love is for Kikyou. You are too much like a sister to me, to even consider that. Kagome.."

Inuyasha's words dealt her a heavy blow making her step back as if actually struck 'a sister!' she could not take anymore through choked tears she whispered, her anger finally subsiding "Stop Inuyasha… just …. Stop…" if that was how it was to be, who was she to fight it?

Kagome turned slowly and began to walk away the words slipped her lips in a soft breath, she knew he would hear it "so long Inuyasha, good luck to you and Kikyou." She was going home and sealing the well. Never again would she come back. Dropping the basket on the ground with a loud thump, she ran. All she wanted was to be home, in the comfort of her mother's warm comforting embrace.

Through the trees and shrubs she ran. Faster and faster, she had to get away. The tears were falling harder now, blinding her. Kagome willed herself with all her might, she would not allow that bitch to see any more of her tears, she knew Kikyou enjoyed every tear that was shed, it was a drug to her, it was pure ecstasy.

Quickly the milky surface of her legs and arms were becoming marred by red cuts and darkening bruises from the low branches and shrubs. She did not care for the beautiful day anymore, like she did earlier, all she cared about was getting home, and getting as far away as possible. 'Just keep running,' she chanted to herself 'it is all a dream, a very bad dream.'

Kagome seemed to be in a dark tunnel, blurred by her salty tears. Her only hope was to reach the comforting light at the end, where she knew the old well stood. That it seemed was one of the very few constants in her life. It was always there, sitting and waiting. The surroundings always seemed surreal, untouched by man. The spiritual energy the well seemed to emanate always added a refreshing and enticing feel to the area; it was always a sight to behold, no matter the season.

Finally, the dark tunnel ended and she entered the comforting light. The sun was warm against her pale skin, allowing the tears to dry upon her skin. She had stopped crying while she was running. It seemed her soul could not cry for him anymore.

Although the clearing seemed normal enough upon entering she felt a strange presence. Strong although it was waning, there seemed to be a cold chill in the air. A silver glint in the direction of the well caught her eye. Looking towards it, a gasp escaped her lips. There leaning against the well was the familiar demon, Sesshoumaru. His long silver hair covered his face as his slumped back was leaning against the well for support. On the ground below him was a growing puddle of crimson mud. 'He's bleeding' she thought worriedly, unsure of what do to. His normally pristine white clothes were ripped in many places and drenched in fresh and dried blood. Cautiously she approached him, wary of his lethal claws, 'I have to help him' she thought to herself, already forgetting the morning happenings.

Although, as soon as Kagome took a step towards him his head whipped up with amazing speed for his condition stopping her in her tracks 'this is not good' she thought to herself. His crimson eyes glistened with blood lust, only once had she seen those eyes on him, and what came after was not pretty, she needed to calm him down before he transformed. Kagome had to think fast, if he lost any more blood he would probably die. 'Come on Kagome think! What would calm a raging psychopathic demon lord…' unfortunately no answer came to her mind. Inwardly cursing, she resorted to using calm words and slow movements. So steadying herself she inched closer each step whispering ever so softly "it's okay…. I'm not going to hurt you….I just want to help …." a feral growl erupted out of Sesshoumaru. 'If I survive this I swear to god I … I'm going laugh my ass off' she thought to herself, but after a quick glance at the growing blood flow she continued her efforts.

The beast raged within Sesshoumaru, and with every step that wretched woman took only urged it on. A cold sweat had broken across his brow as his body grew limp and weak, he could barely even keep his heavy eyes open.

His growling began to ease in its intensity as the comforting blackness of sleep enveloped the tired demon. It was inevitable, his body was tremendously weak and it was amazing at how he remained awake from all that blood loss, but Kagome remind herself 'he is a demon after all…'

Quickly with a practiced ease, Kagome stripped Sesshoumaru of his remaining tattered rags that were once his pristine and impeccable silk kimono. 'Well that's a waste…' she thought sadly at the ruined silk, but her mind did not dwell on the ruined silk for long, because after a quiet and pained moaned from Sesshoumaru, she continued her efforts to save his life.

Carefully she proceeded to wipe away the grime and muck that had collected around his still bleeding wounds with torn off strips from her shirt, rinsing away the blood from the still falling sleets of rain. It was a painstakingly slow process, but with such limited materials, there was not much more she could do… unless… 'No I can't do that, it'd kill him!' Inevitably Kagome's mind had wandered over to the thought of healing most of the wound with her priestess magic, but that path was risky at best… for even though she had learned how the basics on how to use it, it did not mean it would one, heal right, and two, not kill him. 'No' she thought shaking her head, 'there has to be a better way…'

"Kagome, where are you?" yelled a young girl with long thick brown hair tied into a small white bow at the end to keep in from getting in the girl's way was desperately searching for her friend Kagome. The pink bottom of her kimono along with the top green half had become undoubtedly soaked from the rain, and she prayed to every god that she would not catch a cold, it would be terribly inconvenient.

In the distance the girl could make out two silhouettes, "Kagome?" she yelled hoping one of them was her beloved friend.

Kagome looked up from her tiring work thinking someone had called her name "Sango?" questioned Kagome.

The girl widened her eyes in delight, it was Kagome… but who was the other… Inuyasha perhaps? Quickly, yet with some difficulty Sango made her way over to the entrance of the cave, Kagome's thick overly worn yellow bag slung on her back. What she saw stunned her like nothing ever before.

Lying in the entrance of a small cave lay the great Lord Sesshoumaru, direly wounded, with Kagome the nicest girl ever known to man kind, tending him. It was a shocking sight indeed, but not implausible. "What are you doing Kagome?" she questioned, hoping her friend was in her right state of mind risking her life like this.

"What does it look like?" Huffed Kagome, "If you are just gonna stand there could you please hand me my medical kit and pull out the needle and thread, he needs stitches…" she glanced at the still sweating Sesshoumaru, his normally calm façade squinting in pain, "badly."

Digging through the beg with ease Sango quickly found what she was looking for and handed it over to the frantic, yet surprisingly calm women. "I hope you know what your doing by helping him like this…" commented Sango as she watched her friend clean and disinfect the wounds covering Sesshoumaru's body without even so much as a blink. It was surprising how much her friend Kagome had changed over the years, but only she did not see it, where everyone else did. Eventually Kagome got to disinfecting the needle, and began to sew like she had done this everyday of her life, and to be honest, for the past while, she had been doing this everyday all thanks to Inuyasha.

After what seemed like forever, three simple words slipped from Kagome's pale rose lips, her eyes concentrated solely on Sesshoumaru, although a look of worry normally only reserved for Inuyasha passed across her eyes.

"So do I…."

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_**A/N:**__** Holy Cow it's taken me long enough, but who would have thought that a simple song would give me enough inspiration to finish this chapter… utterly amazing. Well anyway, I apologize for the wait and this unedited version. I'm to lazy to edit myself as it is late, I have not slept in about two weeks and well ya… I'm tired. Enjoy, and be nice and review… thank you for your patience.**_

_**Kou - Shuurei.**_

_**BTW THANK YOU TO ALL THOSE WHO REVIEWED, I'M TO TIRED TO NAME YOU ALL, BUT I DID TRY TO MSG YOU.. OR AT LEAST MOST OF YOU, WITH THANKS; IF I MISSED YA, I'M SORRY, SO HERE IS YOUR THANKS! **_

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